Don't you hate it when someone says well I do love you, but I'm not in love with you? I think that's a copout. And, no, this hasn't been said to me (well, not lately!) but it came up in conversation with a friend this week, and it did recently happen to her. I don't get that some people mistakenly think love is a feeling. Its not a feeling; its a decision! The feeling is infactuation. Its not love, ever. Love is making the decision to love that person even when you're not feeling particularly in love. I'm not advocating staying in bad relationships, letting someone abuse you. But to go the distance, there are times when you and your partner are not completely in sync. There may be times when you lead pararell lives and don't feel connected. There are highs and lows. Yet some people are forever in search of the highs. Thus they are always bailing on relationships, in search of the next perfect one. This is what this man has done to this woman. She will eventually be ok, she'll recover her sense of self and if she wants, she will find someone else. He won't. Because perfection doesn't exist.
I feel bad for her. Her whole life has been uprooted. She is in her early 60's and thinks that her age makes her undesirable. I said to her that there are alot of men who don't want the younger babe, the eye candy. There are men who are firmly grounded, accepting that they also are not 30 or 40, and comfortable with it. There are men looking for a mate, someone they can share life with. She feels entirely disposable. I find that so sad. Disposable.
Its also the whole youth thing. This woman is in great shape with a fabulous body from the neck down...but her face, in spite of tell tale pink surgical marks, is still not the face of the 30 something, or 40 something, she yearns to be. She's recently taking to getting alot of ink as well. We are seeing her body become a canvas for her impossible search for the fountain of youth. She started with a harmless enough, somewhat tasteful, tattoo on her wrist, and how gone to flown blown art on abs, back, arms. Contrary to the picture this is probably painting, she's intelligent, sensitive...and hurt most of all. (And I'm not judging BTW.)
Its sad. I'd love to be able to tell her its ok, there's a time for everything, an age for everything. We can't stay young forever. There's beauty in every age. I don't know her well enough. But I do know she's a perfect example (victim?) of our society's ruthless pursuit of outer beauty and worship of youth. The stuff that is temporary, is here for a brief moment. Not for us the beauty of a kind heart or a generous spirit. Much better to aim for a perfect body, hours at the gym, all sorts of gimmicks for the outside. But what about the inside??? It wasn't that long ago that I was a young girl, a teenager...and I don't recall bodies being so all consumingly important! Do you? Now a woman with a horseface (albeit a great body and head of hair) can earn multi-millions a year on her looks. Now its all about being a size 0 or 2, and air brushing so we can't see what the celebs really look like. I'm all for working out and looking good, but when does the obsession with self stop?
This woman, I'll call her Gabrielle as thats a nice French name...how is she ever going to be happy if she doesn't accept herself as she is? Is using her body as a canvas going to make her look 30? She's 60! It doesn't!! Neither does the recent surgery...she looks good, she's fit...but she looks good for 60. That's what I think everyone is missing! You can't look 20-30 years younger. Its not possible!! I wish we, and our society, would celebrate age; would see lines on one's face as wisdom. That we would recognize and applaud the whole process we call life. I see my Mom these days (and she'll be 89 in 2 weeks)...she's still beautiful! She has a 100 watt smile that lights up a room and a wit to match. I think that's what we have to strive for. Sure its good to look as good as you can for a long as you can...but see the beauty within, the years lived that show in ones eyes and smile, and celebrate that. Not wish for something else.
So I'm meeting Gabrielle for coffee this afternoon...I'm very doubtful our conversation will be much more than light chit-chat...God knows I won't approach what I've been writing about! I do like this woman. In spite of everything going on with her, she does reach out, and she is trying to make a life. I just wish the one thing standing out, radiating from her, was confidence. But how can it be when she's succumbed to the myth that youth is everything?
Its also the whole youth thing. This woman is in great shape with a fabulous body from the neck down...but her face, in spite of tell tale pink surgical marks, is still not the face of the 30 something, or 40 something, she yearns to be. She's recently taking to getting alot of ink as well. We are seeing her body become a canvas for her impossible search for the fountain of youth. She started with a harmless enough, somewhat tasteful, tattoo on her wrist, and how gone to flown blown art on abs, back, arms. Contrary to the picture this is probably painting, she's intelligent, sensitive...and hurt most of all. (And I'm not judging BTW.)
Its sad. I'd love to be able to tell her its ok, there's a time for everything, an age for everything. We can't stay young forever. There's beauty in every age. I don't know her well enough. But I do know she's a perfect example (victim?) of our society's ruthless pursuit of outer beauty and worship of youth. The stuff that is temporary, is here for a brief moment. Not for us the beauty of a kind heart or a generous spirit. Much better to aim for a perfect body, hours at the gym, all sorts of gimmicks for the outside. But what about the inside??? It wasn't that long ago that I was a young girl, a teenager...and I don't recall bodies being so all consumingly important! Do you? Now a woman with a horseface (albeit a great body and head of hair) can earn multi-millions a year on her looks. Now its all about being a size 0 or 2, and air brushing so we can't see what the celebs really look like. I'm all for working out and looking good, but when does the obsession with self stop?
This woman, I'll call her Gabrielle as thats a nice French name...how is she ever going to be happy if she doesn't accept herself as she is? Is using her body as a canvas going to make her look 30? She's 60! It doesn't!! Neither does the recent surgery...she looks good, she's fit...but she looks good for 60. That's what I think everyone is missing! You can't look 20-30 years younger. Its not possible!! I wish we, and our society, would celebrate age; would see lines on one's face as wisdom. That we would recognize and applaud the whole process we call life. I see my Mom these days (and she'll be 89 in 2 weeks)...she's still beautiful! She has a 100 watt smile that lights up a room and a wit to match. I think that's what we have to strive for. Sure its good to look as good as you can for a long as you can...but see the beauty within, the years lived that show in ones eyes and smile, and celebrate that. Not wish for something else.
So I'm meeting Gabrielle for coffee this afternoon...I'm very doubtful our conversation will be much more than light chit-chat...God knows I won't approach what I've been writing about! I do like this woman. In spite of everything going on with her, she does reach out, and she is trying to make a life. I just wish the one thing standing out, radiating from her, was confidence. But how can it be when she's succumbed to the myth that youth is everything?
Tough one. I feel more comfortable with myself the older I get but I do notice times I feel "invisible". Hard to describe. Who cares though? But pursuing youth is a losing battle. Hope she can feel how precious she is to God and get over that shallow man.
ReplyDelete