Wine and Coffee / All or Nothing

Does anything taste better than that first cup of Joe in the morning?  I love the stillness this time of day, the sense that all is right with the world...and the time of day that is all mine.  My mental body clock, I'm convinced, wakes me early for that very reason.  So I can greet the day by myself.  I wonder how such an extrovert can crave solitude as much as I do.  I'm a 100 mph sort of person, I'm fairly certain I've got ADD to a degree (unless everyone does watch a movie, read, text, and talk on the phone at the same time...this used to drive Ray nuts), yet the dichtomoy of my makeup craves these two extremes...socializing and solitude!

I was also thinking about giving up drinking wine.  Those who know me  are probably saying say what?  Give up what?  Its just a habit.  But I've been drinking wine on a nightly basis for the better part of 30 years...every night.  I'd like to be that person that can enjoy the down time au natural if you will.  Its a whole ritual isn't it this drinking wine...opening the bottle, getting expensive stemware to drink it out of...its so sophisticated, grown up.  I like it.  The problem is when I like something,  I really like it.  Thus, moderation does not exist for me.  I don't do anything or feel anything  just a little.   (Seriously, doesn't everyone buy more than one of something they fall in love with?  These jeans fit perfectly.  I'll take 4 pair.)   However, before I paint a picture of myself as a falling down drunk I should say I'm not that person...but more and more I want to be present, to be in my life, an active participant.  I want to feel it all.  I don't want to numb myself with wine and zone out.  I see my Mom and her life and although she's not unhappy, she's not really present.  And I know there's a good chance that someday I won't be really present either...so being here now, in the here and now, becomes more and more valuable.

I am thinking about meditation too these days.  There's a detente period at the end of the yoga classes that I have come to love.  The lights are off, there is light background music, the soft voice of the instructor guiding you to a place that is not quite sleep or wakefulness.  I feel a new calm after this and sense of well being.  I want more of that.  I've read that meditating for 5-10 minutes every day, not letting the crowded thoughts of various to do lists or anything detract you, that just emptying your mind...this is a rejuvenation of self.  And a time that God can come to you...when you are quiet, silent,  open.  Just being still...a state that is not natural to me. 

So I had green tea last night instead of wine.  I do remember the last chapter of my book, that's good.  But I think there's caffeine in green tea as I kept waking up all night!  Not so good.  Then my cousin tells me he gave up his nightly brandy a few years ago only to find himself substituting it with a cigarette.  Great.